Hotel Artemis

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Hotel Artemis is a lesson in squandered potential.

How can a film with such a great cast and an interesting idea be so completely, utterly, irredeemably awful?

The script is literal garbage. Every single line in this atrocity is horrible. I cannot think of a single conversation, a single utterance, that I didn’t absolutely hate.

The characters, if they can even really be called that, are dull and empty. There’s no reason to care about a single one. Drew Pearce begs you to care about The Nurse (Jodie Foster) and her dead kid, but it is contrived and amateur.

There is no plot here. Nothing happens. A bunch of random characters interact in a robotic fashion, but it never drives the story forward. The climax is laughable and, you guessed it, utterly mundane.

Also, it must be said, there are many stupid things about the world in which Hotel Artemis exists. A character admits that they believed Hotel Artemis to be a myth, despite there being a gigantic neon sign proclaiming its existence to the world. The “riot” is ridiculous and unbelievable. Not a semblance of a rioter is seen for almost the entire film, despite it being the “worst riot ever”.

The Nurse? Why not The Surgeon or The Doctor? Nurses don’t perform surgery! I can’t even comprehend the stupidity of this film.

Hotel Artemis is a garbage film that manages to make its 97 minute run time feel like an eternity.

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